The Woes of Public Transportation

Beware, my friends! Public transportation is not for the faint of heart.

Living in Italy without a car has changed me as a human being. For the last 7 months, I have relied on train, tram, bus, mini-bus, subway, escalator and elevator to get me where I need to go when my feet just can't cut it. The benefits are clear if you too enjoy the fruits of shared vehicles.

• You will likely get more exercise because you are walking to the stops.
• You will avoid (most times) sitting in traffic on major roads.
• You will have plenty of people watching opportunities.
• You will increase your level of inner patience. Waiting forces you to realize you are not in control anymore.
• You will help the environment by reducing the amount of emissions going into the atmosphere.

And there's plenty more "good" to be had. But where there's a protagonist, the antagonist must make his evil claims known!

The other day, I took the tram home. It was 10:30pm on a Tuesday night. The tram stops in front of me, the door opens and what do I see, none other than a large, leaf-patterned bag sitting in front of the entrance filled to the brim, its contents practically falling out.

This is odd, I think to myself. Bags are never placed right in front of the doorway. 


Now it's NOT uncommon to find bags full of trinkets, widgets and whammies on public transportation.  Plenty of people bring them on. But they always keep the bag right in front of them.  After all, it's likely to hold product they are trying to sell and there's about 1% chance they will let it out of their sight.

But this bag was a special bag. All alone, its green and blue leafy pattern stared me down when the doors opened. "Step over me," it greeted.

And so I did.

I stepped up the slide-out stairs of the tram, worked my way over the bag making sure to avoid any contact with it, looked right to find the only other inhabitant on the tram and found a seat in the second and last car of the tram. What a spectacle. There, the lady sat with her unkempt hair and several layers of dirty clothing. Why she left her bag in front of the door is beyond me. It was bad enough that she had a second bag lying in the center of the walking path. The tram door closed and off we went heading for our next surprised victim. Unluckily for me, she decided to light up a cigarette. This, by the way, is not allowed on public transportation. Luckily for me, most windows were still open. So it was a little cold, but at least I wasn't stuck in a hot box of cigarette smoke. I get enough second hand as is just by waiting for public transportation. But who was I to ask her to stop? Her mumbling to herself was part scary, part concerning. Then to add to it, her companion came out of hiding and started barking. At me. At the chairs. At the open windows.

Bark.

Bark.

Bark.

Excuse me, miss.  I'm pretty sure your dog is kindly requesting you to put out your cigarette since it's not allowed on the tram. Would you kindly oblige?

Bark.

Bark.

Bark.

Maybe I could revise what I'm wishing I could say. Excuse me, miss. Please put out your cigarette. And please put out your dog. They are both becoming rather annoying.

Bark.

Bark.

Bark.

The more stops we went to, the more people came on board.  And not a single person made a move to ask her to control her dog, or her smoke.

Nightmares like this happen from time to time in Rome.

• The train or tram stops for reasons unknown to you and won't move for 15 minutes. 
• You are trapped at the window seat next to the insanely smelly person, Italy's finest blend of musky body odor.
• Your late night mini-bus ride is shared with only one person who sits directly across from you. You swear you've witnessed 7 completely different personalities exhibited during the 15 minute ride. The demonic groans were the most alarming. The little girl laughter and dance movements were most pleasant.
• You get the bus driver who decides to reenact the cartoon Speed Racer. It doesn't go well on the bumpy cobblestone, for you, and the bus
• The drunk guy is on the same bus as you and he throws up on it.

Just be aware, things can go wrong.  But at least you are reducing the world's carbon footprint.